Marco Island Academy with Hor
Question 9.1 - Paper 2, Question 1
a)
#BuildingYou at Marco Island Academy
In about a month, you’ll be walking through the front doors on the first day of school. We’re here to tell you that you’ve made a great choice to be a Ray! Here, at Marco Island Academy, you’ll be given plenty of different opportunities to improve your academic strength and expand your social circle. With less than 300 students currently enrolled at the school, you will feel right at home and will easily fit into a niche.
Our School at a Glance
You may have noticed that Marco Island Academy looks pretty new. Once often referred to as Marco Island’s ‘trailer park,’ MIA has transformed into a state of the art 3-story building complete with a gymnasium, stage, and an athletics field just outside our doors, to better accommodate our incoming students - just like you!
Putting the ‘Academy’ in Academics
Here at Marco Island Academy, teachers value students and strive to provide the best education possible. It is because of this that MIA is an A-Rated School. One curriculum that is offered here at MIA is Cambridge International’s AICE Program, which provides you with a wide variety of classes to take to be able to achieve the AICE diploma. Honors classes are offered as well, just in case you’re a gifted learner.
The First Day
First day’s are rough - we know it. Our goal is to provide you with the most comfortable environment we can, that way you can grow and succeed while you are enrolled here at MIA. You will most likely feel very overwhelmed as you walk through our front doors, and that’s perfectly fine because everyone else will be as well. It isn’t just your first day, it's everyones. It's important to remember that you are not alone here at MIA.
Lunch
At Marco Island Academy, there are two different lunch times. Lunch A begins a quarter to 12 PM, and Lunch B begins a quarter after 1 PM. Our lunch area is what we like to call the ‘Rooftop Terrace,’ where you can see a beautiful view of the school’s athletic field and the horizon above Marco Island. You'll likely stress over who you will be sitting with and where, but don’t worry because it will come naturally. By lunch, you will have already become familiar with the school and likely already made acquaintances with someone.
Always remember: It’s a Great Day to be a Ray!
b)
Considering the leaflet was written with the intent of being given to incoming students, I chose to write in a more informal and casual tone. I did this because I wanted students to feel comfortable, and not become too overwhelmed. In doing this, I feel that students would appreciate the leaflet more compared to if it was written in a formal tone. I created a relation to the student.
A leaflet is structured with headings followed by brief paragraphs to give readers the essential information. I chose to keep my paragraphs as brief as possible so that the reader (students) could easily grasp the information. The headings were bolded to attract the attention of the reader, and give them an idea of what they are about to read.
One aspect of my leaflet that I feel was done effectively is the use of addressing the reader, being a student, with phrases like ‘you’ and ‘you will,’ making the reader more comfortable with the text. I chose to include information about curriculum offered at the school because I wanted to elaborate on key items such as the AICE curriculum so the student knows what they are getting into in 3 weeks time.
Overall, I wanted to ensure that the student felt comfortable when reading the leaflet. In addressing them with an informal tone, I feel that I eased the stress that the student may have had.
AO2: 8/15 marks
ReplyDeleteShows clear expression and some complex structures. The format of the text is formatted well with subheadings and a paragraph underneath. The sentence structure isn’t choppy and flows well as they use lists and compound sentences. For example, “...3-story building complete with a gymnasium, stage, and an athletics field…” and “...as you walk through our front doors, and that’s perfectly fine…”. It was a little repetitive with saying the schools name over and over again. However, that didn’t make the writing too choppy.
There are some small spelling errors and usage of word choice that is wrong, but does not impede on communication. For example, ‘lunchtimes’ is supposed to be ‘lunch times’ and ‘everyones’ should be changed to ‘everyone’s’ or ‘everyone’. An article needs to be added at placed but other than that the errors were minimal.
The text is well organized as the paragraphs are on topic to what the subheadings are. The organization of the text displays the ideas clearly. They engage the reader throughout their writing. For example, this sentences addresses the audience, “It isn’t just your first day, it’s everyones.” This not only uses second person but as well comforts the reader.
AO3: 4/10
This commentary needs to be specific in with what you are talking about. For example, in the first and second paragraphs should be combined and be more in detail. You say you wanted to make the students feel comfortable, but explain why you wanted to make them feel comfortable throughout your writing. Also explain how your sentence structure made it easy for the reader to follow along with your subheadings. You briefly touched on this but I believe you could’ve gone more in depth. You talk about the point of view and tone you write in but you don’t really address your certain word choice you use. For example, describe why you used certain adjectives and adverbs such as, “perfectly”, “comfortable”, “great” and so on.
Overall 12/25 marks
Hey Jorge!
ReplyDeleteAO2: Level 4 (11 Marks); I gave this score because I think you did a great job of using effective expression and the proper form of a leaflet and you did a good job of catering to new students which is shown by the usage of the subheadlines and the short paragraphs that carry the most important information. There are also no errors so there is a high level of accuracy so this increases the score. The text is also organized well and logically since it goes by importance which is the structure of a leaflet. The content is also relevant to the task and the task is achieved well and the audience is engaged through the use of a somewhat formal tone.
AO3: Level 2 (3 Marks); I gave this score because of the word count since it was pretty low so it would have a limited analysis of form, structure and/or language AND a limited analysis of how the writer’s stylistic choices relate to audience and shape meaning
Total: 14 Marks
AO2- For this section, I will give you a score of 9 marks, The reason that I gave you this score was because you used clear expression through the leaflet and kept me interested in it throughout the essay, You did have some errors but they didnt interfere with the article in itself and I liked how you followed the structure of a leaflet and captured the essence of what you should do as a new student and lastly you made sure to address the audience as a new student
ReplyDeleteAO3
For this section I will give you a much lower score of 3 marks, I gave you this score because even though you wiehed in many factors and explained it nicely, i feel like you could have added more analysis on the form, structure and language. But you did have more analysis on how the stylistic shoused related to the meaning of the leaflet.